Deborah Castellano

After an awesome night of Indian food and intoxicants with our friend Blue on Friday, it was v. late and time for bed.  But I was not quite sleepy enough for sleep yet so I decided to start reading my latest French aspirational book (this one was written by a Brit), All You Need to Be Impossibly French: A Witty Investigation into the Lives, Lusts and Little Secrets of French Women.  

So, I’m reading and at first it’s v. blahblahblahblahdon’tgetfatcakes* and I would never ever get falling down drunk in public because humor and sloppy fun is not something touted by my people and I would sooner DIE than get fat or dress in sweats in front of lover (…until I move to America/UK and then I proceed to do just that because once I am not part of a culture designed to make me act like an aloof perfectly groomed Persian cat, that’s when shit gets real), the standard observed French behavior basically, that’s when I learn two key points:

1.  Apparently, according to the French, every time you go to bed in your make up you age eight days. And having an AM and PM skincare regime can keep you looking good for your age and not needing Botox and whatnot that makes you look like a melting plastic Barbie of indeterminable age.

2.  When you buy French underwear in France, it is serious business.  Like they have whole huge stores devoted *just* to lingerie.  They have dressing rooms with two buttons - one to summon a salesperson and one to change the lighting in your room so you know how you’ll look for your lover.

Naturally, I was reading about this with every intention of going to bed with my makeup on.  Then I was like, holy shit!  This must be rectified right now at 1a.  I stumbled out of bed and went through the make up bag I have with rarely used make up in it and pulled out samples of eye cream and srs moisturizing cream from Clinique.  I cleaned all the makeup off my face and then moisturized.  Then I started thinking about how I should start moisturizing my hands and feet and lips at night.  Then I started thinking about french underthings and wondering if they would come in my size. (Answer: Yes.) 

And then I think I passed out.  The next day, who was ordering new underwear and working on new eye make up looks?  This girl.  

The French are costing me a lot of money.  I will now need to invest in more moisturizer soon but I sure as hell will wait for Bonus Week.   

* I am half seriously contemplating writing a book called: How to Be Fabulously Faux French as a Zaftig American Chick …which the French would haaaaaaaaaaate which makes me kind of want to do it more. 

Clothes:

I got the L.L. Bean Perfect Fit Bootcut Pant which I was at first doubtful about due to the material, but they do fit v. well and are definitely rump flattering which is nice.  They’re comfy like yoga pants but figure flattering.  I did notice that seamless panties would be what’s best to wear under them but I own a bunch so for me that was no big deal.

After going to Anthropologie and getting my new outfit, I re-orged my closet again, putting separates on one side and outfits on the other which has really helped.

Beauty:

I was able to make my Sally nails last even longer by giving myself black tips.  They have now lasted a record five days.  I need to redye my purple streak.  I didn’t like the hair color I tried out, L’Oreal Healthy Look in Medium Red, so back to Natural Instincts in Cherry Creme.  I think my mineral loose powder has finally died, so I’m considering trying Bare Escentials instead. 

Cooking:

Whenever it’s “cooking day” I can’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment.  Today I made Cannellini Bean Soup, Pasta with Sauce (for Jow’s lunches), bread and gingerbread.  My banana breads kept getting moldy fast so instead I made half the box of gingerbread and also baked them in shiny pink cupcake wrappers which will hopefully help as well.

Home:

I’ve been slowly trying to get our house back to pre-Arisia hurricane standards and trying to keep them.  Our bedroom was a cyclone of clothes everywhere and now it’s nice and neat.  The lavendar wallflower scented oil is soooo nice in there.  I also framed a picture I’ve been meaning to frame forever.  I cleaned the kitchen and attempted to keep it clean today through cooking day.  Jow put together the desk we bought and it looks really good in Spare Oom/Office.  I plan on working on getting the office ready for me to start working from home on the 1st as well as cleaning the rest of the house so I can maintain it. 

Pleasures:

Wearing my Boojiboo Bella apron and legwarmers while I clean.  Lavender.  Restarting the glad game on Facebook.  Watching it snow outside.  Reading the Pink of Perfection blog.  Reading the Lace and Flora Livejournal community.  Sunlight in the morning while I’m still in bed.

So, maybe I need to back up because my real life friends seem v. confused about “the French Experiment”. I read this book, called Entre-Nous a bit ago which was written by an American woman living in France and how French women differed from American women.  At first I thought it was one part bullshit and one part massive hyperbole and one part you can never replicate this anyway, but after reading more articles on the subject and talking to french people/people who know french people, I came to find it was (mostly) true. 

I reflected more on the matter because since I divorced, I did want to live more simply but at the same time, with some glamour.  Most French women don’t even have a bedroom closet (they use an armoire or a small wardrobe or Narnia storage space or whatever) and they live in really tiny tiny places.  By American standards, my condo is roughly the size of a postage stamp.  By French standards, it’s a decent size with two bedrooms and four closets.  It’s nice to think of it that way because almost all my American friends seem to think I should be getting the fuck out of this place asap.  But I *like* living in a place this size.  I like that I can have a warm toasty (or frosty) house for not that much, I like having wet hair in the winter without feeling like I’m going to die, I like how much easier it is for me to maintain and I like that it prevents me from accumulating too much junk.  Jow and I aren’t planning on having kids, I’m not sure what we’d really realistically need more space for.  To collect more possessions?  I’d really rather slowly upgrade our furniture, counters, etc.  Maybe someday we might need a little storage space, but there’s a huge difference between $30 a month and an extra $600 a month on a new mortgage.

The French eat more simply with a bigger focus on what’s seasonally available.  They don’t eat a lot of prepared foods and things like Coq au Vin or fondue are a sometimes food.  Of course there’s the whole French women don’t get fat aspect to this (too late for me!) but mostly, I want to be more in touch with eating whole foods.  I’ve been baking my own bread, making my own cupcakes, soups, etc.  I’m trying to wean myself off of processed food as much as possible (though it’s boxed mac and cheese for life, yo).  I find this satisfying and I find I am enjoying food more and eating less.  Apparently, French people also don’t do things like eat in the car, standing up, etc.  And I’ve found that those aren’t great habits for me.  I digest better eating more slowly.  I’m also trying to get away from eating in front of the computer/tv (this is a slower process).  French women also don’t seem to have this culture of shame and stress eating (which is hard for me to grok) and general overall food weirdness.  They eat bread with real butter and have a piece of dark chocolate and don’t crucify themselves over it.  And I need that.  I need that for my mental health more than anything.  I need to be able to say no to food I don’t really want anyway and be kind to my physical body.

There’s also the beauty aspect.  French women don’t do a lot of crazy hair/make up stuff.  They’re not busy getting extensions and doing a smokey eye just to go to work on a Tuesday.  They focus on their natural beauty and that’s really nice too.  While yes, I’m currently in a delayed adolescent with my purple streaks, the hair cut I last got is flattering and relatively easy to maintain (though I need a cut again) with a straight iron and not too much product.  I’ve simplified my make up too so I’m using it more.  French women also spend more time enjoying their own company as well as taking time for baths, skincare, etc.  Which I also would like to be part of my life.

Clothing wise, since there’s less space it means you have to be more selective about your clothing choices and you need to take care of our clothes better and try to buy the best you can afford.  As I had previously been completely indiscrimate, I am working on this as well. 

French women also tend to be more sensual, not just the expected sexxors way but in enjoying as much as they can in daily life.  I am working on this too.

Admittedly, my eating lately has been far more American than French in portion, but it has been my birthday weekend so it’s pretty hopeless.

Friday I celebrated with the friends in New Hope at Marsha Brown’s which used to be a church but now is a Creole restaurant with a saucy mix of church elements and New Orleans restaurant elements.  I managed to get a reservation for 14 of us in the bar area where everyone could get what they wanted.  They make a fine hurricane and I stuffed my maw full of oysters, po’ boy, gumbo and bread pudding.  Our waitress was crazy hot and friendly which helped a lot too.  For the most part things went well, it was the first time I’ve been out for my birthday instead of throwing a party in over five years.

That day, I actually managed a bath with a Lush bath melt, a face mask and curled my hair and tried out Sally Hansen’s Salon Effects Nail Polish Strips in Misbehaved.  I’ve tried a few varieties of Nail Strips (Incoco and a Euro export) and the results were okay but not great.  I hadn’t tried Sephora’s Minx knock off because I felt $15 was too much but I got the Sally variety at my CVS for $7 with my coupon.  I’m generally a disaster with nail polish and have trouble keeping my nails nice for more than a day and I’m chipped within an hour.  While I’m slightly chipped at the top with the Sally, it’s day three and they are still in reasonably good condition, especially since I put them on in a hurry.  So I’m definitely sold and will be buying them semi-regularly as it makes me feel fancy.

Jow bought me a caramel colored Sparrow open sweater from Anthropologie for my birthday (along with an empress tea strainer) because he thought it looked writerly.  I appreciated his bravery in buying me a piece of clothing, as fussy as I am.  It took me a few tries to find the right skirt and top to wear with it (generally I wear blacks and greys with an occasional purple, pink or creme) but I really liked it once I got it right so I wore it to dinner.

Yesterday James took me to Skylark for brunch and then to anthropologie for me to spend my ill gotten gains.  At first, I wasn’t finding anything which was really distressing because I usually want everything there, but once I stepped outside my color comfort zone, I found a lot (though, as a note of annoyance, I haaaaaaaaaate it when I go to a store and I feel like the other fatshionstas beat me there by like a day and took everything in my size).  Somehow, a sweater style caramel skirt by Moth fit me in a size medium (…I have no idea how that freak of luck happened) and I found another caramel open sweater that I liked.  After a few false starts on finding a top to wear with it at Banana Republic and a lengthy process at J. Crew, I found a cute aqua colored top with a velvet imprint on it that gave the outfit a bit of a funky edge.  It was a long day shopping, because if I’m going with the “less is more” approach, it means I need to be *super* sure of my choices because I’m buying a lot less. 

So it was a bit trying on my self esteem spending that much time in a dressing room, especially since the stuff that didn’t work *really* didn’t work and looked awful over my tummy (always depressing) and a lot of tops fit right …except over my boobs where it would be too tight and too low cut which was especially problematic because I have a cat scratch on one boob and then on Friday night I managed to have something touch my boob (hopefully not my new alpaca scarf!) that caused a sexy welty allergic reaction …so I felt gross about seeing my welty scratched boobs on parade all day. 

I do think I like this less is more approach though, I feel like while I doubt I can get my clothes to last 10+ years like the French (supposedly), I feel if I care for them correctly, I have a sporting chance at keeping them for five?  As most of my clothes last about a year, that would be a huge improvement.

So last night I decided to go to the grocery store, the farmer’s market and Kohls.  I wanted to see if there was a significant difference in pricing on produce between the grocery store and the farmer’s market and there definitately was.  We got two grocery bags full of produce for $20 which was awesome. 

We then went to Kohls for me to get a new memory foam pillow since I left mine at Arisia.  That part, no problem.  Wandering over to the women’s fashion section …problem.  Elle had a line called “Parisan Nights”!  What to do?  My inner American who loves anything that implies frenchness *and* a bargin was slavering.  I frantically tried to repeat “less is more, less is more” “quality, not quanity” to myself but …before I knew it, I was mumbling to Jow that I just needed to try something on real quick, a really cute wrap sweaterthat was adorbs on the hanger but luckily made me look like a moose so I moved it along after that.

After that, it was onto the grocery store which more than made up for Kohls.  A problem with the French method of eating is that it can get super boring super fast if you’re not careful.  One week we had chicken thighs and various veggies and by Fri I would have preferred eating my own arm rather than eating another chicken thighs.  Luckily, our grocery store was having a huge “big buy” sale so we got enough london broil, steaks (…or admittedly, we call them “steaklets” as they are French proportioned), pork chops and chicken thighs to have for dinner every night for the next two weeks (or more) for about $50 which makes our meat portion of dinner about $3 for both of us each night which is kick ass, especially since the farmer’s market is making produce affordable in the winter months.

((OMG, I’ve been like, I wonder why no one comments here.  It’s because I have yet to enable it to do so.  Le sigh))

So today it’s been onto trying to find the Perfect Black Pants (or if you want to be super pretentious about it, pant).  This has been an ongoing investigation for a few years because I have *very* specific needs.  I am currently wearing my Perfect Black Pants and have been looking to duplicate them for the last few years with mixed success.  My perfect black pants have:

* An elastic waist with no zipper (due to digestion issues, I hate zippers most of the time because when I stress and/or have PMS/my period, I bloat sporadically through the day which is oh 3/4 of the month)

* A material that does not fade or pill in the wash

* Do not look like “Mom” pants

Most of the time, NY & Co.’s West Street Pants do the trick …in every color *but* black.  It pills and wears weird. 

Here is one of the few places I’m willing to break my “not buying online unless it’s a refill” rule because …I simply have not seen pants that fit this bill in over a year, despite a few ill advised purchases. 

Recently, I found L.L. Bean’s Perfect Fit Pants online and today I had 10% off so I decided to order a pair in black in the Bootcut.  I have my fingers crossed that they will be “The One” so that I can just order refills from now until forever.  Over 1,000 women rated them, so having a 4.5 star average is v. impressive.  People seemed to think they washed well too which is good, so hopefully I found a good find!  

Jow and I find ourselves saying that frequently during our French experiment, every time we do something typically Ugly-American.

Before Arisia, I decided to try out having a mini spa day in my bathroom for myself.  It started out right - pretty pink candles, a copy of Vogue, etc.  And I was like, this is great!  And then of course, I was full of American fail, making a complete mess of the bathroom, the purple in my hair not taking correctly initially and I didn’t have enough gloves, so I got dye on my nose which needed to be scrubbed off with vinegar and I needed to use baggies on my hands for gloves.  V. classy.  And of course, by the time I got to the bath part, I was out of hot water.  But!  Shaving with olive oil is super luxe (thanks for the tip, Ms. Graveyard Dirt!) and the Lush Glorious Mud scrub is really good, though messy.   So initially when everything was going wrong, it felt like an epic beauty fail, but the final result was pretty good so it was only somewhat a fail.  Maybe I’ll get better with practice?

I’ve also simplified my make up routine which has me putting it on more, which is good I think.  Soon I will be attempting buying less but better clothing.  We’ll see how that goes.

Eating at the table has gotten better with practice, though it’s currently fallen by the wayside and our grocery shopping has gotten more economical with some practice.  While I still like box macaroni and cheese like whoa, there are other things I no longer much care for because it doesn’t taste like  …real food.  Domino’s pizza, Cracker Barrel Chicken ‘n Dumplins and Cracker Barrel Fried Apples no longer taste right, though chicken fried steak does ( …go figure), ice cream is still good and chinese food take out is still good as well.  I taste food a lot more and enjoy it more, for the most part I eat less of it.  It means more when I am making more things from scratch - my bread is v. good, baking for my afternoon tea treat (not quite off box mix yet there, but eventually), soups (my lentil soup is v. good, thankfully), airpopping popcorn (still getting the hang of coating it with any kind of topping), etc.  It also makes meal prep easier - some kind of roasted meat, roasted veg and sometimes some kind of starch.  While not french per se, our menus are simplier which has been enjoyable.

Here are examples of our dinner menus for the week:

steak with zucchini alfredo
london broil with thin sliced potatoes and mushrooms with swiss
chicken thighs with apples and leeks
turkey sausage with fennel and pasta with dill and parsley
pork chops with fennel and pears and potatoes